3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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