The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
