i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
