Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
