What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
