you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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