I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You made out with two different species that night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
