Kiss
Puke
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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