So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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