garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
