Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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