Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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