the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
