I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's get the cat blown out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
