fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
