my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
