I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
