dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
