Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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