she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
