never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
