got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
