You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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