i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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