i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
