you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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