now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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