Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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