I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
