I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
