I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
