And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
