she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
