Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my shit smells like andre
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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