im drinking this country out of the recession.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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