Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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