dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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