I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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