I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
