i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
