I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
