the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
