you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
