3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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