every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
