drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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