If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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