I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
