My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
