you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
