Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
