Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I party with great urgency now.
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