I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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