Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just had sex bonerless
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
