I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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