I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
